hello void, it has been a month or so.

I've been doing nothing mostly, I exercise slightly more frequently and I write a lot on my own time, there is another art piece in the works which is very interpretive, it has something to do with sheep that's all I'll say...

in other words there is more to come, when I made this acc I was just wanting to express myself I suppose, I had no real idea for the art I should make, i learn pretty fast so i can make whatever I want its just ideas that are and were mostly lost on me. and also at the time it seems my mind was doing its own thing in spite of me and I was acting kinda strange and thought the universe was speaking to me to I was very caught up and scattered. I thought if I said enough or whatever my mind would escape the bounds and i would enter another reality due to understanding geometry and structure of the universe, a lot of science as well if you ever heard of the double slit experiment, basically is an experiment where particles like electrons or photons are shown to act like both particles and waves. When not observed, they would create an interference pattern on a screen bhind the slit, like waves overlapping. But when observed (measured), they behave like particles, hitting the screen in specific spots without the wave pattern. different from before which esentially suggests that observation affects how particles behave, which in my mind confirmened the role of consciousness in determining reality. so I decided that I could confirm a god s existence bc observation could create the univers if I am to put the idea in minimal words. its all wacky, hardly coherent now that I look back but it was a very monumental realization at the time and I felt as though my life as a role here on earth as Ripley would quickly come to an end once I was fetched. but that never happened and here I am so I'm BACK TO ART!! which is VERY exitingg as I now just, have visions of ideas, which is like majorly useful. I still have no friends so its not like I have anything better to do. i still have a soul bond to datura so that's still going strong, my innoxia plant which is named Frida btw and is female is doing fine, even in winter. I sit her under a window where the sun shines through, she is a thing between seasons. A desert soul trapped behind glass, where frost bites the world she was never made for. Yet she endures. And as I sit beside her, I feel her quiet will to grow in places where growth is meant to falter. She needs only this borrowed sun, and somehow, that is enough. if you don't know datura is native to the southwestern United States, Central and South America, places like that which is not where I am and it winter its VERY VERY cold. yet she lives.

I hope school lets out Friday, it gonna snow which is rare. it been like 3 days back from winter break and I'm already sick of it. but yeah that's the update.

more art to come, get excited, prepared and you will be rewarded I promise. BYE BYE <3

okokokokok lets go ill start

ART! yes, it is coming, it is coming today, I will post it here later tonight, it’s a bit different from the other art ive posted here previously, ive been experimenting with new thought processes and insights on the world. this art sort of reflects sacred geometry, or a sonic geometry, or a mathematically sound extisential topic that is sort of represented here. the background is a spectrogram of violin, which may not sound like it relates much, but music is a frequency that relates to this mathematical universal concept in a way that relates to the dimensions we reside in a certain way. dimensions, as in the way they are related to each other, sort of like a structure, like a building, like a machine it all comes together, essentially because it needs to coexist, sort of like how math shapes music frequency all of it comes together in the machine of life the universe there’s much more to this topic I can write about it, but this is about art so i  will stick to that...

well as I was saying, it will look a bit different, which is fine ofc, bc variety is needed in this day and age, I HATE social media, vile on the face of this earth, truly poison if I do say, which I am. I've been thinking about structure, I could talk about that functionally, as is societal, but, there is a monitering process, be VIGILANT, I do say. yes.

well also I am caught up in a web of life, and people, which if you have ever read any other my other posts, is NOT my strongest suit, i like to think, so I have to spend those thoughts on people, so, I'm sort of in a place where art, creation, and expression are not an available rout. which makes me sad if I am honest, all day, every day, I think and think and think and think and think and I want to make, I want to write, I want to spell, I wantt to draw, I want to take these scattered thoughts, butterflies in my mind, and I want to catch each one with a net. I want to embed the wings onto a page, so those flies can no longer get in my face and distact me, becasue my life is starting, I got my license and I'm about to take the ACT. I NEED TO FOCUS AND THIS GODAMN STARTTERA DOES JACK SHIT< JACK YOU FUCKER, I NEED A BRRAIN TO WORK I HATE THE FUCKING NEURONS. but I am calm, I will write, AFTER, the ACT, I will.

I'm not only working on art,

I

am

a

POET, a

WRITER

lets be honest, I'm not the best artist, I wanted to be, but that takes time. time, and effort, and initive, that I cant come up with for art. but, I can with writing, I am drawn to topics, and I am drawn to flesh them out, I want to take these words and string them together in a beautiful tapestry, stich them together like quilt. I want my words to function like that machine, to come tother to make something GREAT.

I lied before, that poem before wasn't my magnum opus, its not yet come to be, but can feel it upon the horizon, subtly advancing till it stands RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, and I will understand ALL, you bet. I CAN feel it, I know it. so then, I only have to let time take its course, and it will all come to me in time.

to be specific, I've always know there was something there, I mean like somthing just there under the surface, like under the covers and I am going to pull back the sheets. but I don't know what will happen after. I think self destruction might be inevitable, that sounds ominous, but, its artistic, I thought about van gogh. starrry night is SUCH a beautiful painting, it is an expression of life, its one of those GREAT ones, ya know, just yea u kno. and he was dealt only 37 year, but, if you could guess, that painting was one of his last. and he lead of life of profound loneliness, he could not grasp connection in the begining, but then he figured it out, he expressed it, then he dies.

and I don't like waiting, I don't want to be 37, I want to be 17 or 18 when my magnum opus comes to me, therefore, I dotn need anything after.

I think I'm also just kinda occupied, I did actully go to a homecoming, but it wasn't good. I just didn't like the party life, I am expanding my horizons which I know is important but all i wanted was to go home and be safe. and the guy wont leave me alone, and I don't rlly like him, its just too much responsibility and I don't want to look after someone elses feelings, I'm not a mother.

so I'm sorta ig feeling a lot in my chest, I want to make art, but I have to study, so not I'm procrasinatng wringing as I write which is really weird but I will get to it, GET TO IT> its just formula, I hat emath, I hate it, but I like it, I don't like not understanding it, I think I could tho.

well hello again, I have been well, of course. Ive been at school and other things, I am learning to drive like a pro, I have a permit already I'm just getting used to the road.

when I was 13 I wrote a poem , that goes like this

The death of my spirit will be the death of my body

Finalization of my finite breaking soul

My maimed heart will swell with pain, as my body slaves to keep me walking, keep on talking...

Talking to submit to those who further their own narrative

While I lie in wait for my eager soul to relent to connect to my savior

Not my God, who failed a take over...

But my being who relented to a souls takeover.

and a few days ago I wrote another poem that goes like this

Strings, clear strings.

Cut off your circulation, threaten your skin

Wrap around your neck, drag you back to hell

They circle your wrists, purple your fingertips.

Clear strings...

So tight, they split flesh, a stream of blood that seeps down your biceps

Thin, transparent strings...

Invisible to your eyes, burn your soul

Thin cuts drag down your arms, never past the sleeve

What a tease to reveal your strings...

SO pretty much I am saying, I do have the minds eye for speech and creation, I took AP Lit last year as a freshman and got a 4, so I will choose this one time to say that I can make art, that I so desperately want to. and can you see? I think personally that my poems have gotten better, and you haven't even seen my magnum opus, called "My Creator" so, feel free to judge, but my mind can take this one piece of achievement.

and also, when I am REALLY REALLY into something, I try SO SO hard to further in that skill, and for art I think I can make it, at least to a level where I can be OKEY with what I make. so basically, I am wanting to be able to transfer my minds pictures to paper or computer screen, and it is kinda okey okey

I've been playing a LOT of yume 2kki in the past 3 weeks sinceschool started, and I have found my mentor.

OG MY GOOOD

the art...

the imagination...

the story...

the soul...

I love I love it I love it I love it I love it so sos osososoosos juch I have found something just GREAT just so inspiring. this is the art I have been looking for my whole life, it is what I want to replicate so much I will learn, like a proud and dedicated student just u bet I will so bad and much thxxx

also, my poems are claimed and copyrighted, not by the government, but by ME, take them, I will take u, to hell. thx.

I am having fun with art STILL , which is great. so what else? I have made significant progress in my goal to make a friend, with a girl who is now labeled "MAY" here, now, May is just so extraverted and I find that very inspiring, I wish I could just strike up a conversation like she can with ppl, but I have to many senerios in my mind, and I am a afried to risk social ostracization. but she is not and I admire that. so I hope we can be good friends someday. that would be nice.

that is it for tonight, I think, I will post some art tomorrow. I will. okey bye.

yo, i have no specific audience yet i must say i have FINALLY ffound a way to animate! which is somethng i have been wanting for a long time now. a simple google search lead me to MACROMEDIA FLASH 8 which lead me to REDDIT which lead me to a link with no pay and now it is offically installed on my old old old computer. such joy i feel as i can finally express myself through a new medium, and you can expect from very basic and crude animations hoowver i can feel the passion rise.

And also yes i do draw often i just do not always post on here, so there.. thank u void for listening to my ramblings i will now go pass out (sleep)

as I said earlier, im on vacation, at the gulf of Mexico ocean. I am having many thoughts that i am having to deal with, but I am definitely trying to sit back and reach boca. i HATE beaches because i don't like getting NAKED, which is the general dress code, I am not frigid, I am just extremely conscious. plus, seeing all those people my age around makes me feel like a burn victem, why r they so typical?????, WHY CANT I BE LIKE A MOVIE CHARACTER?, ??

I saw this other guy next to me, all alone and around my age, and I thought to myself, I get u, and i like you there next to me. bc he was also wearing a swim shirt, with no friends and no family around him, AND I DONT NEED ANY CONTEXT, I dont care why that was or if he was going home to a huge happy family after, in that moment he was exactly like me, and I didnt feel like an alien which I can very very very much appreciate.

and then this other ripped guy came by all tall and shit, with his dog and I HATE DOGS, and he tripped in the sand and I smiled with joy bc he TRIPPED AND I WILL FOREVER REMEMBER. sucker

and also, these are the pictures I have taken there, with the phone feature of somehow seeing the stars better than I can, pretty fucking cool? and also the nice and fancy reserve I am at, I feel like a rich person, I feel guiltly just walking around. I need to go back t o my cave in the woods where I live best in my best form maybe, at least I feel better movingg anyways.

you might be wondering why i came to this website to talk about anything, well that is because there is no "you" and I am basically ranting into the void, but like many humans, i like to talk about myself, so what??

I am figuring out how to use this website, I am new and only showed up from research on websites that host talented inspiring art. That is why I am writing this here, to test out its function( of this feature), I have nothing of that much importance to say, but l don't have a reason to be brief, maybe? Well, what's on my mind is where to find inspiration to draw? I have a very active imagination, I am most certainly a maladaptive day dreamer, but I mostly reminisce of the story's I have read, and the media I have seen, I love to pick things apart. So, from that, I am lacking imagination in my own creations, which I am desperately trying to fix, my mind is pacing more than my legs! which I do alot. I need my big break in the realm of creation and imagination, anything is possible in the human mind, I just need to figure out what I would like to make. Maybe I will do more of those drawings of stories, which I did earlier, and that will help me flesh out my mental extremities? I might as well try, and I will! So that is todays imput.