the psychiatrist has put me on two new medications, i used to only treat ADHD with focalin, but now im taking strattera and atarax for both adhd and anxiety, which until a few days ago i didnt kno i had (anxirty). i guess i though my mind was the baseline for everyone, but im not sure, and im not sure if i like the way it feels, i dont like to feel stiffled or have my mind be put in a box. also whay if it wrecks my crative contron, and i feel like atarax gets rid of my overall control, it makes me tired and kinda like ive taken edibals, but not in a good way, like the lack of a sound mind, wanting to be sober to actually think. i feel lost ig, nkt lek myself.idk

well hello again, I have been well, of course. Ive been at school and other things, I am learning to drive like a pro, I have a permit already I'm just getting used to the road.

when I was 13 I wrote a poem , that goes like this

The death of my spirit will be the death of my body

Finalization of my finite breaking soul

My maimed heart will swell with pain, as my body slaves to keep me walking, keep on talking...

Talking to submit to those who further their own narrative

While I lie in wait for my eager soul to relent to connect to my savior

Not my God, who failed a take over...

But my being who relented to a souls takeover.

and a few days ago I wrote another poem that goes like this

Strings, clear strings.

Cut off your circulation, threaten your skin

Wrap around your neck, drag you back to hell

They circle your wrists, purple your fingertips.

Clear strings...

So tight, they split flesh, a stream of blood that seeps down your biceps

Thin, transparent strings...

Invisible to your eyes, burn your soul

Thin cuts drag down your arms, never past the sleeve

What a tease to reveal your strings...

SO pretty much I am saying, I do have the minds eye for speech and creation, I took AP Lit last year as a freshman and got a 4, so I will choose this one time to say that I can make art, that I so desperately want to. and can you see? I think personally that my poems have gotten better, and you haven't even seen my magnum opus, called "My Creator" so, feel free to judge, but my mind can take this one piece of achievement.

and also, when I am REALLY REALLY into something, I try SO SO hard to further in that skill, and for art I think I can make it, at least to a level where I can be OKEY with what I make. so basically, I am wanting to be able to transfer my minds pictures to paper or computer screen, and it is kinda okey okey

I've been playing a LOT of yume 2kki in the past 3 weeks sinceschool started, and I have found my mentor.

OG MY GOOOD

the art...

the imagination...

the story...

the soul...

I love I love it I love it I love it I love it so sos osososoosos juch I have found something just GREAT just so inspiring. this is the art I have been looking for my whole life, it is what I want to replicate so much I will learn, like a proud and dedicated student just u bet I will so bad and much thxxx

also, my poems are claimed and copyrighted, not by the government, but by ME, take them, I will take u, to hell. thx.

I am having fun with art STILL , which is great. so what else? I have made significant progress in my goal to make a friend, with a girl who is now labeled "MAY" here, now, May is just so extraverted and I find that very inspiring, I wish I could just strike up a conversation like she can with ppl, but I have to many senerios in my mind, and I am a afried to risk social ostracization. but she is not and I admire that. so I hope we can be good friends someday. that would be nice.

that is it for tonight, I think, I will post some art tomorrow. I will. okey bye.

yo, i have no specific audience yet i must say i have FINALLY ffound a way to animate! which is somethng i have been wanting for a long time now. a simple google search lead me to MACROMEDIA FLASH 8 which lead me to REDDIT which lead me to a link with no pay and now it is offically installed on my old old old computer. such joy i feel as i can finally express myself through a new medium, and you can expect from very basic and crude animations hoowver i can feel the passion rise.

And also yes i do draw often i just do not always post on here, so there.. thank u void for listening to my ramblings i will now go pass out (sleep)

as I said earlier, im on vacation, at the gulf of Mexico ocean. I am having many thoughts that i am having to deal with, but I am definitely trying to sit back and reach boca. i HATE beaches because i don't like getting NAKED, which is the general dress code, I am not frigid, I am just extremely conscious. plus, seeing all those people my age around makes me feel like a burn victem, why r they so typical?????, WHY CANT I BE LIKE A MOVIE CHARACTER?, ??

I saw this other guy next to me, all alone and around my age, and I thought to myself, I get u, and i like you there next to me. bc he was also wearing a swim shirt, with no friends and no family around him, AND I DONT NEED ANY CONTEXT, I dont care why that was or if he was going home to a huge happy family after, in that moment he was exactly like me, and I didnt feel like an alien which I can very very very much appreciate.

and then this other ripped guy came by all tall and shit, with his dog and I HATE DOGS, and he tripped in the sand and I smiled with joy bc he TRIPPED AND I WILL FOREVER REMEMBER. sucker

and also, these are the pictures I have taken there, with the phone feature of somehow seeing the stars better than I can, pretty fucking cool? and also the nice and fancy reserve I am at, I feel like a rich person, I feel guiltly just walking around. I need to go back t o my cave in the woods where I live best in my best form maybe, at least I feel better movingg anyways.

you might be wondering why i came to this website to talk about anything, well that is because there is no "you" and I am basically ranting into the void, but like many humans, i like to talk about myself, so what??

I am figuring out how to use this website, I am new and only showed up from research on websites that host talented inspiring art. That is why I am writing this here, to test out its function( of this feature), I have nothing of that much importance to say, but l don't have a reason to be brief, maybe? Well, what's on my mind is where to find inspiration to draw? I have a very active imagination, I am most certainly a maladaptive day dreamer, but I mostly reminisce of the story's I have read, and the media I have seen, I love to pick things apart. So, from that, I am lacking imagination in my own creations, which I am desperately trying to fix, my mind is pacing more than my legs! which I do alot. I need my big break in the realm of creation and imagination, anything is possible in the human mind, I just need to figure out what I would like to make. Maybe I will do more of those drawings of stories, which I did earlier, and that will help me flesh out my mental extremities? I might as well try, and I will! So that is todays imput.